what, me work?

So through the magic of Monster, I have a job interview on Wednesday.

("But you're a freelancer! How can you even THINK about getting a real job?")

I KNOW, it sucks. But it all comes down to money. And I'm flattered that someone even thought to call me after seeing my yawn-inducing resume.

I haven't totally committed to the idea of going back to work fulltime; I haven't worked fulltime in about seven years. I quit to freelance when E was in kindergarten. (Not to mention a couple of years as a teacher's assistant, which I actually enjoyed. I liked the jr. high kids the best; they're wacky and hormonal and rebellious and they don't give a shit about anything but themselves. Just like me! The kindergartners, while very cute and adorable, mostly just wanted me to tie their shoes and help them get the snot out of their noses. Oh, and inspect their heads for lice.)

So I haven't been on a "real job" interview in all those years.

I thought maybe I needed a suit, but then I said the hell with THAT, let them know right off the bat that I'm a confident, capable middle-age woman, and I don't need to wear a corporate monkey suit just to make an impression. Plus, the ones I tried on all made me look dowdy.

I love that word, dowdy. I mean, truly, look at these fucking beat-up softball knees.

So I opted for black low rise trousers and high heel black mules, and a business-appropriate, yet trendy top. It's a good look for me; makes me look about seven feet tall. Just my height ought to scare the shit out of them.

So this is a YOUNG company. Do I flaunt my age and experience? Do I play down my age and experience? Do I play the MILF card? Do I even HAVE a MILF card? AM I a MILF? Maybe I should ask them.

Do I do what I usually do, come up with a ridiculously lame answer to the "what do you want to be doing in 5 years" question? ("uh...uh...well how they hell am I supposed to know that I want to be doing in 5 years?! We'll all be lucky to be alive then.")

"What's your biggest weakness?"

"My knees. My eyesight?"

"What contribution can you make to this company?"

"Well, when the birthday cards get circulated around, I always draw a cute, clever cartoon on them. It's my signature thing, and coworkers usually adore them."

"And I always bring in good candy for Halloween, not those stupid Dum-Dum pops."

So you see what an ill-fated adventure this interview will most likely be.