Friday, September 22, 2006

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way

My niece asked me to create a signature cartoon for her wedding reception. I agreed to this because, well, I like drawing cartoons, but I was also thinking of adding yet ANOTHER spoke to the career wheel: if it turned out ok and I enjoyed doing it, then maybe I could make a little money at it. God forbid I should actually try to make a career out of doing something practical, forward-thinking, or something that would make me rich.

I've had close to a year to do it. But because I'm a master procrastinator, I put it off until about month before the wedding. It started to make me crazy. It's all I thought about, yet I couldn't quite bring myself to sit down and start it. I'm project-oriented. I LIKE sitting down and doing this stuff, right? I like drawing, right? Why did I wait so long?

It turned out ok, but: the groom does not really look like the groom. I sketched him out a few times, and when I finally got to the final version, he just didn't quite come out right. Oh, he has the same big head and fuzzy hair that the groom does, but the eyes and the mouth are wrong. It's one of those things that the more you keep screwing around with it, the worse it gets. I keep telling myself nobody really cares about the groom, but the groom does.

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My niece is spot-on. Actually, it looks better in real-life than here.

If someone had paid me to do this, I would feel like a miserable failure. And that, I think, is what kept me from getting right to it: fear of failure. I failed, and it sucks. Well, I failed 50%. So now I have to decide: can/should I try to overcome this fear of failure and the angst this thing caused to perhaps pursue this spoke professionally?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Carey, it's good. Would you please just go and slam your head against the wall a few times?? Then, just maybe you'll see what we've known all along. You're smart, funny, talented, blah, blah, blah.
Did you really think that we'd still be your friends if you were half as inept as you think you are??? What the hell's wrong w/ a little failure? Everyone who tries something fails at least part of the time. Do you have the slightest idea of what something I drew would look like??? Please just go slam into that wall for a couple of minutes and let me know if it works.
Heather

carey said...

Well, Heather, there's a body-sized dent in the wall and I have a headache. All I see is the cartoon birdies and stars circling my head.

But you see how much more boring this blog would be, even moreso than it already is, if I just went on about how smart, funny and talented I am? You think I'm so smart, funny and talented--start your own blog. ;)