good enough

Somewhere in the middle of the road of parenthood, I'm in danger of getting run over every day by an 18-wheeler full of bad decisions and overindulgence.

Perhaps because women come with an inordinate level of guilt, we take the slightest misstep by our children as a sure sign from god that we are bad parents.

Not bad parents, really. Just not good enough.

I don't need to be a perfect parent. Logically, I know there's really no such thing, and even the most outwardly appearing perfect parent probably downs a fifth of scotch daily and wears rubber underwear. I simply want to be good enough, and even then, I feel like I often fall short.

My kids are good kids, not perfect by any stretch. E, who's 11, is tall, handsome, gifted and talented. He's also emotional and sensitive (we cry at the same movie scenes, including the scene in Toy Story 2 at the end of the song when Jessie is left by the side of the road; when then Iron Giant decides to sacrifice himself for the lives of the townsfolk; the yellow tulip scene in Big Fish). However, he can be rather self-absorbed, and one of my goals as a parent is to get him to think outside himself.

Yesterday in class, his teacher--an older woman who clearly has lost her teaching edge--yelled at one of his classmates to "sit in your damn seat!" The teacher then started to cry and went to the principal's office to fess up. E has been complaining about this teacher all year, how she yells, how she's always behind, how they don't get to go out for "fun Friday." He has said he hates her, as kids will often say about their teachers.

Last night, we were discussing the event at dinner. He tells us what happened and then he pauses and says, "you know, I felt sorry for her." And we talk about it further. He starts to see the human being inside this mean, old horrible teacher that he's bitched about all year. With those words, he's thinking outside himself.

With those words, I hope that I am good enough.