frozen in time

I remembered today that I never posted the photographer's pictures from my Cape May photo shoot, so I'll throw these on. If these are the best, then I suck. Ya see how far away I am? There's a reason for that. "Yeah, could you cover your entire head with a scarf? And while you're at it, throw these sunglasses on. Damn, don't we have a spare burqa lying around we could use? No? Ok, now, I'm going to back up about 10 feet and take your picture upside down so you're virtually unrecognizable. And this one? Yeah, could you please NOT look directly at the camera? Thanks. Yeah, that's right, like you're looking out at the ocean! Sure! Now, I'll just back up here another 12 feet or so...








Not that anyone was asking for them--in fact, most people head screaming for the hills when faced with my picture--but in reviewing photos from my niece's wedding, I'm once again reminded of how truly unphotogenic I am, and it's gotten worse as I've grown older because, well, I've gotten uglier.

This isn't me feeling sorry for myself, I'm just stating a fact. Most people get uglier when they get old. Women get chin whiskers and warts and jowls and their eyebrows disappear. Spare me the bullshit about being beautiful inside and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yeahyeahyeah. We all know what looks good and what doesn't.

My niece had maybe a thousand or more pictures to go through online. I read Corinthians at the ceremony, so the photographer was more or less obligated to take some shots of me. It was windy, so my hair was blowing all over the place, plus I wore this ridiculously short dress. The result, of course, is that every single picture of me sucks completely.

Now, I'd like to think it's my animated, expressive personality that resists getting frozen in time, given my fear of commitment. If someone takes a picture of me explaining to my boys why George Bush is an idiot, he's probably going to wind up with a picture of me with one eye shut, arms flailing, teeth gnashing, wrinkles and jowls and zits all clamoring for the spotlight.

But something about freezing one moment in time in a photograph spooks me a little, just like it did to people 100 years ago. Every photo steals a little something from your live soul. One fleeting glance at your life, at the image you project to others, with no chance to change it or take it back. So many of those frozen moments are particularly unflattering to me that it makes me wonder what do people see when they see me?

But then again: maybe I simply just look like crap in pictures. In real life, I'm much better. Check the video.