boy funk

Yesterday afternoon, five boys ranging in age from 9 to 12 were in my house, playing, wrestling, watching TV.

When they left, I had to get the Lysol out and spray the entire downstairs.

One kid, a friend of Remy's, is quite prolific at passing gas. He makes no apologies about it, he just does it when he has to do it. Doesn't matter if he's a guest at our dinner table, in the middle of dinner; if he has to let one rip, we're all the unfortunate victims of this noxious stench. He gets this curious little look, as if to say "Huuh..what? What was THAT?"

(For the record, I don't fart. That's what I tell my boys, and I'm sticking to it. So I have certain rules about farting; i.e., don't do it at the dinner table, don't do it in my face, and if at all possible, go outside and do it, I don't care if there's a monsoon going on out there.)

So that friend was here, happily farting and giggling while he and Remy practiced their Rey Mysterio/John Cena wrestling moves.

Boo had two friends over. I'm fond of one of these friends; he's an awkward kid, smart, a little unkempt. Perhaps not quite, well, clean. And he's the one who immediately takes his shoes off when he comes over.

It doesn't take long for the choking stench to fill the air, ALL OVER THE HOUSE. I mean, really, you could knock out an elephant with the smell. Add to that the feet stink of the four other boys, along with the armpit stench and repeated episodes of rampant farting...it's a very potent weapon, the combined funk of five preteen boys, surely potent enough to drive even the toughest insurgent from his hidey hole, or perhaps a recalcitrant president from office.

It's something I'd expect to see at Spencers, alongside the x-rated drinking games and fuzzy dice: aerosol cans of "Preteen Funk."

Party guests won't leave? Bugged by the uninvited neighbor who knocks on your door at 8 am just to chat? Is Uncle Bill still an unwanted, drunken unemployed guest on your living room couch? Attack 'em with Preteen Funk! With just a few sprays, Preteen Funk can drive even the most obnoxious guest from your home quickly and easily. Works outside on trespassing children and dogs too!

Want your neighbors to move out? Try extra strength Teen Funk!