sex education

I depend on the show Rescue Me to keep me informed of current sexual practices and mores, since I'm apparently woefully behind the curve. It's completely sexist to the point of misogyny, but I love it anyway. Denis Leary wrote himself about 1000 sex scenes in the first season, but has thankfully eased up some. C'mon, he's nearly 50. Do we really want to see him having all that sex?

Last night's episode referred to one's "spank bank." I understood what it meant, but I'd never heard the term before. Am I really that out of it? Or perhaps I just don't spank it enough to warrant having an entire bank to store the necessary visual cues. Maybe I just need a "spank jar."

A couple of seasons ago, the gang was talking about the Venus butterfly technique. This was in fact referenced from L.A. Law years before (yes, I looked it up), but I'd never heard of it before. This technique is pretty involved, and I'll assume the gentle reader knows what it entails. There's so much going on at the major orifices and hot spots that it's almost like working on a car engine, or performing major surgery.

And while I appreciate the detailed attention that a woman's genitalia--and other regions--receives during the technique, how the HELL can you relax with all that going on? It's almost too focused and detached, intended only to elicit orgasm without all the other fun stuff that goes with it. I can imagine a car mechanic, fiddling with wires and knobs and bolts and hollering into the engine, "COME already, for crissakes! What the hell else do I have to DO?"

Not that there's anything wrong with that. As long as the guy doesn't insist on cuddling afterward.