I've been taking a voice and diction class at the local county college. I'm not sure why I'm doing this, exactly, except perhaps I'm harboring some pointless dream of doing some voiceover work in the future. You know: adding a spoke to my "career wheel."
Given my acting background and the heady mix of praise and adulation I've received the last few summers as baseball/swim meet/bingo announcer (example: "Gee. You're funny. You make swim meets sound not so boring."), wellll, it's enough to make me plunk down some dough and attend classes twice a week where I can flaunt my life experiences in a classroom full of young, boneheaded college students who don't know the difference between JFK and RFK.
Class started in September, and this is about all I've learned: the "th" sound is rare outside of American English. And, oh yeah: James Earl Jones was a stutterer, and then was mute until high school.
And: I've listened intently to my instructor's hilarious stories not once but twice, even, and it's only the beginning of October.
I've started once again, just like in high school and college after that, cartooning and editorializing in the margins of my notebook when I'm not fully paying attention. Comments include:
"OH, this woman's going to drive me INSANE. We have to go over really simple things, like old movie plots, like SINGING IN THE FUCKING RAIN, just to bring her up to speed on popular culture." (This is referring to my classmate "Bambi,"--no kidding, Bambi--who is the class suckup, which isn't an attractive feature for a 40-something woman.)
Followed by a cartoon of a starlet with big boobs.
And here, look, Bambi asks this question of the instructor, which I've duly noted in the margin: "This is a nosy question, but...why did you get divorced after 28 years of marriage?" OMGAAHH. The instructor politely brushes her question off. Bambi is not the brightest color in the crayon box.
And here are some more margin cartoons, mostly of heads...I'm relearning to draw mouths.
"OK, when does the learning take place?" I ask plaintively in the margin. "I didn't pay to hear stories."
That's the class. We gave autobiographical speeches last class, which was rather fun, but I'm afraid the kids didn't get most of my jokes. Maybe they were too esoteric. Or maybe I wasn't speaking clearly!
I'm going to say more about the kids next time.
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Maybe you could post some of your cartoons here? Hmmm?
See labels for bitching and swimming cartoon and wedding cartoon.
I really draw a lot more, and part of the goal of this dumb blog was to post more cartoons, get the creative juices going, etc. But damn, it just takes too much time for me now. I tend to be rather detailed.
So I'm still working on it, but in the meantime, be careful what you ask for...the next one might be you.
Hey, it's early October - you could learn more soon. Usually the beginning of the year is for review? (and stories)
H.
Most of the actual work and learning is done at home. We have the CDs we're supposed to be working with, pronouncing our words and watching ourselves in front of a mirror, which is silly, but necessary. And we have to read about fricatives and dipthongs, so.
But on Friday, we have stretching yoga-like exercises! Yay!
Nothing like a nice yoga class to let you know exactly how unflexible you are. Do you like yoga?
H.
Actually, yeah, I do it at home when I can. You know, L and I used to take classes, oh, 30 years ago...and that's where we first learned, while doing shoulder stands, about the concept of "queefing."
I'll bite - what is Queefing? And maybe you're bored in class because you already have great diction?
m
Queefing is vaginal flatulence.
Well, it's not just me. James from Nigeria and I have had some interesting discussions about all these damn stories, and he doesn't like them either. He's going to nuhsing school.
Bushisms linked to DNA anomaly
Andy Borowitz
is a humorist, TV personality and film actor
A team of genetic scientists stunned the world today by revealing that President Bush may lack the gene necessary for human speech.
The scientists, who had been studying the genetic differences between humans and chimps, made the discovery about the president almost by accident, a spokesman for the group said.
"We happened to be looking at the blood work from the president's recent physical," said the spokesman, Dr. Alvin Kunen of the University of Minnesota. "We found extremely high potassium levels, indicating a banana-rich diet rarely found in humans."
Prompted by the banana clue, scientists probed the president's DNA further and found "no evidence" of the gene that enables humans to speak.
From the White House, the president had no comment.
But even as some in the administration angrily questioned the scientists' findings - arguing that the president often said things - Kunen said many nonhuman primates were capable of producing basic, "speech-like" utterances.
"In our experiments, we were able to teach a female baboon named Bonny to say such things as tax cut, evildoer and regime change," Kunen said. "This should not be confused with actual human speech."
In a related finding, the scientists said former President Bill Clinton possessed an "abnormal double-gene" for human speech, meaning that it was "virtually impossible to get him to shut up."
Clinton's DNA was culled during his second term in office, when the former president's genetic material was widely disseminated.
Funny. From today's Inky. That's why he's the Chimp-in-Chief.
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