blowin' in the wind

We’re in the midst of what some quaintly call a Nor’easter. As in, “Look out, Ethel, there’s a Nor’easter a-blowin!” Before it got here, it was blowing around Texas and parts of the Midwest. Do they call it a “Mid’wester” there?

These storms are nasty, violent evidence of the power of nature. The Nor’easter doesn’t just rain. It:

“lashes the East Coast” (Toronto Star)
“pounds the eastern seaboard” (The Age, Australia)
“pummels” (Mail & Guardian Online)
“slams” (Disaster News Network)
“kicks East Coast in the shins and then runs away” (Weekly World News)

And then, because all the good action verbs have been taken, it always eventually resorts to the weary cliché, “wreaks havoc.”

It “brings” things with it, like it was coming to your house for a party: things like “heavy rain” “flooding” “high winds” “evacuations” “deviled eggs” and “wine-in-a-box.”

The Nor’easter doesn’t just represent nature’s wrath. As Pat Robertson likes to remind us from time to time, God’s wrath often steers the weather.

"If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms," he said last May. Gee, ya think? "There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest," he said.


Robertson has a rather abysmal record of weather forecasting. He predicted that God would punish Orlando with “earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor” because the city voted to fly rainbow flags during Disneyworld’s annual Gay Day. Ok, a meteor isn’t exactly a weather event, but it would be a pretty cool way to let us know He’s pissed.

Robertson asked God to alter the course of Hurricane Gloria, which ended up causing billions in damage in many states along the coast. Oops! And he later beseeched God to prevent Hurricane Isabel from hitting Virginia Beach, where his headquarters are located. It ended up being the costliest and deadliest hurricane of the 2003 season. Ruh-roh!

So let’s see if I have this correctly: God controls the weather. Pat talks to God. Then Pat controls the weather. God realizes Pat’s a looney, suggests that Nature takes over, tells Satan that Pat will be visiting very, very soon. And he’s bringing the deviled eggs.